Go It Alone
I love, love, LOVE traveling on my own. I’ve traveled all over the place by myself and I’ve even going camping alone (that was actually more stressful that a week and a half in Spain alone), and though it can be daunting, it’s sometimes unavoidable if you want to take your dream trip. If you’re dying to travel to Tokyo but your partner and friends have no interest or just don’t have time to go with you, you can choose to never go, or bite the bullet and plan a trip by yourself. If you really don’t want to go ALONE alone, you can always join a tour group. The upside of a tour group is that you don’t have to worry about making the arrangements and you are guaranteed some company - pick your tour company, find dates that work for you, and you’re on your way. The downside is that you could end up stuck with a group of strangers that you don’t like and following an itinerary that doesn’t interest you, so do your research before you sign on. For the independent person that would rather not be confined to traveling with a group, planning your own trip is the best way to go.
Baby Steps
If you’ve never done much on your own but you’re considering a long solo trip, start by taking yourself out for a day. Explore an unfamiliar neighborhood, go see a movie on your own, or eat in a restaurant by yourself. Dining alone in a restaurant makes a lot of people self-conscious or think that everyone’s looking at them and judging them. There is no shame in eating by yourself, but if you feel awkward, you can always bring a book. The reality is that most people aren’t going to pay any more notice of you than if you were out with a group of people – in fact, you’ll be the envy of anyone on a horrible date or dining with a small child in the midst of a meltdown.
You’re the Boss
You are fully, totally, and completely in charge of your trip – where and when you go, where you stay, what you see, and what and when you eat. You don’t have to check in with anyone else to see if they’re ready to move on to the next stop, if they want to pop into the temple you just passed, or if they’re hungry for lunch - it’s all up to you. You’re free to indulge your every whim, be it sleeping in until noon, spending the entire day shopping for chocolate, going to see a bad American movie that you would never bother to see at home, eating all your meals at Pizza Hut, or visiting the Van Gogh Museum four times in three days. Being on your own is very empowering – you have to trust your own judgment and your decisions, and it’s a great way to build self-confidence.
It Can Get Lonely. . .
One of the best parts of traveling with someone is sharing experiences. When it’s just you, it can feel a little lonely admiring a gorgeous sunset by yourself, surrounded by happy families and snuggling couples. If you’re not totally thrilled at the idea of spending your entire trip by yourself, plan an activity or three that will give you a chance to connect with other people. Sign up for a cooking class, a day trip, or a guided historical walk - you’ll at the very least have a few hours of company and potentially meet somebody you get along with who you can meet up with later for a meal. In the digital age, it’s extremely easy to stay in touch with people at home, so if you’re feeling low, shoot a friend a message, or give them a call, Skype, or Face Time for an encouraging pep talk.
. . . But it’s Easier to Make Friends
When you’re traveling with a partner or a group of people, you tend to just talk to each other, which makes you less accessible. When you’re traveling on your own, not only are you more approachable, but you are also much more likely to strike up a conversation with the people around you, be it your cute Spanish waiter or the friendly Australian couple at the table next to you. If you’re looking to make friends, just keep your eyes open. Be thoughtful about where you eat if you’re looking to make connections: eating at the bar or a communal table will give you a better shot at making friends than grabbing a takeaway meal to eat on your own at your hotel. Other travelers are a great option for company, as you automatically have something in common, plus it's a way to pick up useful travel info - good restaurants, places to skip, unexpected closures, etc. You may end up meeting someone you really hit it off with, and decide to spend a day or two sightseeing together.
You’re a (Slightly) Easier Mark
There’s safety in numbers, and when you’re on your own, you might feel a little more vulnerable. While you can make some great connections, don’t be too taken in by the quick and easy intimacy of friendships made on the road when it comes to leaving your valuables in someone else’s care – it’s really better to be safe than sorry. Make a point to know where you’re going (or at least look like you know), especially when you’re toting your luggage. Nothing makes a person look like a tourist quite as much as standing in the middle of the sidewalk with an open map, looking bewildered. This is when it pays to travel with your smart phone – only you need to know that you’re consulting Google Maps to see how to get to your hotel because you’re totally lost, and not reading a text like everyone else staring at their phone. When you’re in a really crowded or touristy area and you don’t want to be bothered by touts or souvenir hawkers, walk with confidence and purpose, and don’t make eye contact. If someone tries to stop you, just keep walking. There’s no need to yell or to be rude, a firm “no” should generally suffice.
A woman traveling alone will possibly get a little more male attention (wanted or not). This will hopefully be restricted to looks and potentially catcalls or comments (this is the perfect time to feign being monolingual if you do speak the language) – certainly annoying, but generally harmless. If you want to check out the local night life, use the same common sense you would use going out alone at home. Don’t accept a drink from a stranger in a bar unless you watch the bartender make it and it’s handed directly to you, don’t get too tipsy, and be sure you have a way to get home safely that is not with a person you just met. Listen to your instincts: if you feel uncomfortable walking down a dark and empty street alone, then don’t risk it – a taxi might be a splurge, but your safety and peace of mind are worth it. If you’re not married, you may want to try the fake wedding ring trick to deter potential suitors, though this will probably have no effect on a determined Lothario.
The Cost of Going Solo
While you’ll obviously be getting a bargain on airfare if you’re paying for one ticket instead of two, the same savings won’t apply for lodging. Most hotels are geared for double occupancy, and you’re not going to pay half price just because you’re one person. Some hotels have single rooms, so shop around – they probably won’t be half the price of a double room but you could get a decent discount, though the room might be a little cramped or have an unusual layout. An alternative that might get you a better deal and a some company is a bed & breakfast or a hostel. With shared meals and common areas, you’re well placed to start up a conversation with other travelers and make connections for sharing rides to nearby towns or to get recommendations for not-to-miss sights and restaurants.
Choose Your Destination Wisely
Unless you want to have a lot of time for solitude and reflection, a solo trip might not be the time to spend a week in a remote Alpine cottage or a self-guided trek through the Andes. If you’re concerned about feeling lonely, setting your sights on a more populated area is a good solution. A city will certainly provide more opportunities for human interaction and more things to see and do to keep you busy, but if your main interest is to explore a rural area, look for some alternatives that won’t leave you so isolated, like staying on farm. From agritourismi in Italy to farm stays in New Zealand, there are opportunities all over the world that allow you to stay on a working farm, plus lend a hand with harvesting or planting, get a cooking lesson, or learn about the region’s produce and growing seasons.
Don’t disregard safety in your trip choice, either. While rafting down the Amazon, trekking the length of the Appalachian Trail, and cave diving in Central America all sound thrilling, they are dangerous to do alone if you’re a novice. There are plenty of tour companies that can support this sort of trip in a group with a guide and a local who knows the area, customs, terrain, and flora and fauna.
The bottom line is that traveling alone doesn’t have to be a terrifying or shameful experience, and should definitely stand in the way of a trip you’re dying to take. It can be an amazing opportunity to see more of the world, on your own terms.
Recommended Reading
"A Woman Alone: Travel Tales from Around the Globe" edited by Faith Conlon, Ingrid Emerick, and Christina Henry de Tessan - this was the first travel book I bought - I vividly remember buying it from Queen Anne Books, going back to my apartment, and devouring it. I was hooked!
"Go Your Own Way: Women Travel the World Solo" edited by Faith Conlon, Ingrid Emerick, and Christina Henry de Tessan - another great travel anthology from Seal Press
"The Solo Travel Handbook" Lonely Planet - a more practical book of solo travel, while definitely geared more toward the younger budget traveler, there's good advice for people traveling on their own of any age and from any walk of life.
"Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert - a classic, if you haven't read it, you should change that immediately. Don't read the Italy section hungry, you will develop a sudden craving for pasta.
"Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Coast Trail" by Cheryl Strayed - another classic travel tale that should be on everyone's reading list. Also a good kick in the butt to take your own trip - if Strayed can do a trek like that, you can certainly go to Paris by yourself!
“What I Was Doing While You Were Breeding” by Kristin Newman - aside from having the best title ever, this book is a hilarious and helpful memoir by a woman who loves to travel and doesn’t let anything hold her back. Some of the trips she recounts are solo trips, some are with friends, but all are funny and full of good advice.
“Alone Time: Four Seasons, Four Cities, and the Pleasure of Solitude” by Stephanie Rosenbloom - a New York Times travel writer decides to take four solo trips spread across four seasons in four distinctly different cites (Paris in spring, Florence in summer, Istanbul in autumn, and New York in winter) to explore solitude in different locales. This book is clearly written by a reporter; I personally tend to prefer travel memoirs through a more personal lens (expect a lot of references to other writers - this is not a new version of “Eat, Pray, Love”) Rosenbloom’s prose is good and it’s full of good tips for solo travelers.
