How to Be a Good Houseguest
How to Be a Good Houseguest
One of the great enticements to travel is to visit friends and family, which can be the deciding factor when you’re trying to figure out where to go. Did your college roommate marry a Frenchman and move to Cannes? Do you have a coworker who relocated to Bangkok? Is your mom always talking about your extended family in Argentina? Get in touch with any and all of these people and start planning a visit, but unless you’re very close or they’ve previously suggested that you come to visit and stay as their guest, don’t start the conversation by asking to crash on their couch for a month. If they offer, take them up on it, but don’t assume that they’re going to be able to host you, especially if they live in or near a major city in Europe. You’re probably not the first person hitting them up for a place to stay – any expat in Paris can tell you everyone they’ve ever met (and some people you haven’t) will behave as though their only reason for living in the City of Light is to provide a free place to crash, be their concierge, chauffeur, caterer, and private tour guide any time they happen to be in the country. If things do work out and you end up with a free place to stay, keep the following rules in mind:
Be Sure Your Expectations Are in Line with Reality
Don’t assume that your free accommodations to be a luxury guest room with an en suite bathroom. You’ll probably be looking at a pullout bed or an air mattress, or if you’re lucky, a guest bed in an office. The more urban/centrally located, the higher the premium for space, and the average person can’t afford to pay that premium for an extra room that serves no day-to-day purpose beyond that of an occasional guest room. If this arrangement isn’t up to your standards, look into a hotel – DO NOT rough it and complain the entire time. Factor in things you might not be willing to deal with, like pet allergies, smoking, and children. If you’re going to be uncomfortable, sniffly, or irritated throughout your stay, explore other options - you can visit someone and not stay with them. If the main purpose of your trip is actually to visit your friend, you can always ask them for recommendations for a place to stay nearby so that you can still spend a lot of time together, even in you’re not under the same roof.
Don’t Overstay Your Welcome
If the agreed upon arrangement is that you can set up camp in the living room for three days, don’t stretch it into three weeks. It can be tiring to host a houseguest, no matter how thoughtful and quiet they are, so don’t wear out your welcome. If you’re invited to stay longer and you can, go for it. Otherwise, cheerfully move on when your last day rolls around.
Make Sure You and Your Host Are On the Same Page
Unless you’ve made plans to spend some time traveling around together, figure that you’re going to be on your own for at least part of the time you’re visiting, as your host will likely have to work or other commitments. Conversely, don’t act like you’re staying in a hotel and not even attempt to spend time with your host. Communication is key, be sure to be clear about what your plans are and be okay with your host not jumping at the chance to take you to the Eiffel Tower. Most likely it will work out best for you to play tourist during the day and meet up after your host is done with work. Do run your itinerary by your host, though, it could be that they haven’t been to Versailles in years and would love to go with you if you’re willing to wait and go on the weekend. Staying with locals can get you the best of both worlds – see all the touristy sights you want to see, plus have an inside scoop on great restaurants and markets and have a chance to see how locals really live.
Be Independent
If you’re crashing with your cousin in Rome and he’s not able to take the entire time you’re visiting off from work show you the sights, don’t just mope around the house watching TV until he gets home so he can be your personal tour guide. While it can be intimidating to wander around a strange city on your own where you don’t speak the language, it can also be exhilarating, and missteps and misadventures are all part of the fun. If you were hoping to see the Coliseum, go see it - they’ll let you in even if you don’t speak Italian.
Be Willing to Sacrifice Some of Your Autonomy
This applies especially to people staying with relatives. You may hope to enjoy the beer halls of Munich, but your aunt has already made plans to take you to spend the day with Great Aunt Helga (who you may or may not have ever met). Try to be flexible and accept the hospitality of extended family, especially the older generations. You may never get the opportunity to see them again.
If things start to get out of hand and you’re beginning to feel like your trip has been commandeered and has been made up exclusively of spending the day at the homes of various relatives, then have a talk with your host. Gently explain that you really appreciate meeting the family and that you’re having a great time, but that you also wanted to visit some museums and historical sites. If you’re lucky, there will be someone closer to your age that can come to your rescue and show you around.
Be Considerate
Don’t set up camp the bathroom when your friend is trying to make it to work on time. Offer to run any errands that can make your host’s life a little easier, like grabbing dry cleaning or doing some grocery shopping. Try to keep your area neat, especially if it’s out in a common area. You won’t win any points by establishing a beach head in the bathroom and filling the entire living room with shopping bags and wet laundry. Do not pick up strangers and bring them home with you, if you’re out and you meet somebody, you’ll just have to be okay with going to their place to hook up. Replace anything that you use up – cereal, shampoo, etc.
Don’t Forget to Say Thank You
Staying with a friend saves you a ton of money, so take some of that savings and put it toward something to show your appreciation. Treat your friend a nice dinner out, a good bottle of wine, or a fancy box of chocolates. If your host has children and you’re staying for more than a night or two, offer to baby-sit so they can have a night out alone.
Before you leave home, be sure to see if there’s something you can bring from home that is hard to get abroad, like food, toiletries, or books in English. While the global marketplace has made it easier to get anything anywhere, it’s still cheaper for you to buy a jumbo jar of Skippy peanut butter at your local grocery store in the US than it is for your friend to buy it in Brazil, Mumbai, or Edinburgh.
Be Willing to Reciprocate
If you’re able to return the favor by hosting your host, be sure make the offer. Sure, if you live in a studio apartment you won’t be able to put up your seventeen Dutch cousins, but if they want to visit you can help them find a place to stay and take some time off work or school to play tour guide.
